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Becoming More Assertive – Online Self-Help Course

Find yourself saying yes when you mean no? You’re not alone. A YouGov poll found that 49% of UK adults self-identify as people-pleasers, and the cost is real — burnout, resentment, lost opportunities, and a quiet sense of never quite being yourself in your own life. The good news: assertiveness isn’t a personality trait some people are born with. It’s a learnable skill, and it can be built at any age.This online self-help course is designed by an accredited BACP counsellor to help you understand why being assertive feels so difficult, challenge the beliefs that keep you stuck in passive or people-pleasing patterns, and learn practical techniques for speaking up, setting boundaries and saying no — without guilt, aggression or apology. All from the comfort of your own home, at your own pace.

Does this sound like you?

Unassertiveness shows up differently for different people, but most people who take this course recognise themselves in at least a few of these:

You say yes to things you want to say no to. In the moment, it feels easier to agree than to risk disappointing someone — but later, you’re left feeling stretched, resentful, or like your own needs don’t matter.
You avoid disagreeing with people because you’re scared of starting an argument. Even when you see things differently, you stay quiet or back down quickly, worrying that speaking up might create tension or damage the relationship.
You hold back your real opinions when they differ from the people around you. You filter or soften what you actually think, especially in groups, so you don’t stand out, rock the boat, or invite judgement.
You worry about being seen as rude or difficult. You’re careful with your words and tone, sometimes to the point where your message loses clarity — because being liked can feel safer than being direct.
You downplay all of this by telling yourself you’re just “easy-going”. You take pride in being flexible and low-maintenance — but deep down, you sense that this comes at the cost of being heard, respected, or fully yourself.
You replay conversations afterwards. Hours or days later you’re still thinking about what you should have said, or worrying about how something you said landed.
You’re exhausted by other people. Because constantly managing what they think, feel and need — while suppressing your own — is genuinely tiring.

If any of that sounds familiar, it’s worth knowing this isn’t a character flaw. It’s a pattern, and patterns can be changed.

What being unassertive is doing to your mental health and life

Left unaddressed, struggling to be assertive isn’t just inconvenient — it has real, measurable effects on your wellbeing, your career and your relationships.

On your mental health. Constantly suppressing your needs, opinions and boundaries keeps you in a low-grade state of stress and self-monitoring. Research consistently links chronic people-pleasing and self-silencing to anxiety, low mood, burnout and a heightened risk of resentment that turns inward as self-criticism.

On your career. People who struggle to be assertive often take on more than they can manage, hesitate to ask for pay rises or promotions, avoid pushing back on unreasonable demands, and end up doing the work that others should be doing. Over time, it can mean watching less capable colleagues progress past you, simply because they were willing to advocate for themselves.

On your relationships. The irony of people-pleasing is that it often damages the very relationships it’s trying to protect. Suppressing what you really think and feel means partners, friends and family don’t get the real you — and resentment builds quietly until it eventually surfaces, often in ways that feel out of proportion to whatever triggered it.

On your sense of self. Perhaps the most insidious effect: when you spend years prioritising what other people want, you can lose touch with what you actually want. Decisions become harder. Your own preferences feel uncertain. You start to wonder who you’d be if you weren’t constantly adapting to everyone around you.

The longer this pattern runs unchecked, the more entrenched it becomes — but it’s not who you are, and it can be unlearned.

How this course helps you build genuine assertiveness

This isn’t a course about becoming louder, more aggressive, or steamrolling through your life. Genuine assertiveness is the opposite of aggression — it’s the calm, clear ability to express what you think, feel and need while still respecting the people around you. It’s a balance most of us were never explicitly taught.

This course uses the same evidence-based techniques Billie uses with one-to-one counselling clients — delivered in video format with downloadable workbooks so you can work through it in your own time, at your own pace. Across the course, you’ll work through a complete journey:

What assertiveness actually is — and how it differs from passive and aggressive communication styles. Most people who think they’re being assertive are actually swinging between the two.
The characteristics of each communication style — so you can spot them clearly, both in yourself and in the people around you.
Breaking down the myths about assertiveness — including the big one: that being assertive means being rude, selfish or confrontational. It doesn’t.
Unhelpful thinking habits — identifying the automatic thoughts that keep you stuck in passive or people-pleasing patterns (“they’ll be upset”, “it’s not worth the argument”, “I should just be grateful”).
The beliefs underneath the behaviour — exploring the deeper beliefs about yourself, other people and conflict that drive unassertiveness, often dating back further than you’d expect.
How to think more assertively — practical techniques for challenging the thoughts that hold you back in the moment.
How to behave more assertively — body language, tone, word choices and the small behavioural shifts that make assertiveness feel natural rather than forced.
Different types of assertion — because saying no to a colleague needs a different approach to expressing a need to a partner, or asking for what you want from a parent.
Taking criticism assertively — learning to receive feedback without crumbling, lashing out, or replaying it for days afterwards.
Saying no assertively — perhaps the single most useful skill in the course. Clear, kind and guilt-free ways to decline without over-explaining or apologising.

You can work through the course in a weekend or stretch it across several weeks — there’s no time limit, no live sessions to attend, and you can revisit any module as often as you need.

Who this course is for

This course is designed for anyone in the UK (or worldwide) who recognises themselves as unassertive, passive or people-pleasing and wants structured, therapist-led support to change that. It’s particularly well-suited to:

People-pleasers and chronic “yes” sayers who are running on empty
Professionals who struggle to push back, ask for pay rises, or hold their ground in meetings
Parents, partners and carers who put everyone else first and have lost track of their own needs
Anyone recovering from a controlling relationship, dynamic or upbringing where speaking up didn’t feel safe
Quiet, conflict-averse people who want to be heard without becoming someone they’re not
Anyone who has considered counselling for confidence or boundaries but isn’t ready for one-to-one sessions yet
People who’ve read self-help books on assertiveness but want something more structured and therapeutic

It’s not a replacement for one-to-one therapy if you’re experiencing significant anxiety, depression or trauma, or if your unassertiveness stems from an abusive current relationship — but it can be a powerful first step, and it pairs well with ongoing counselling if you’re already in it.

Who teaches this course

This course is written and delivered by Billie Pursglove, an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP Registered Member 384732, MBACP Accred) with years of clinical experience supporting clients through imposter syndrome, anxiety, confidence issues and more. Everything in this course is drawn from the same evidence-based approaches Billie uses in her private counselling practice — distilled into a format you can access affordably, privately, and on your own schedule.

Becoming more assertive FAQ's

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a balanced communication style where your take your own feelings and needs into consideration in addition to the other person. It sits nicely between passive communication (AKA people pleasing) and aggressive communication.

How might lacking assertiveness be impacting me?

Lacking assertiveness can consume many area’s of life such as daily decisions meaning you might always let others choose, you struggle to state preferences and overthink simple interactions. Emotionally, you may be low in confidence and experience self-doubt, experience anxiety about conflict or reaction and feel guilty if you choose to prioritise yourself. If not addressed it can lead to taking too much on, feeling drained and overwhelmed and eventually burn out.

Why is it beneficial to be more assertive?

Being more assertive helps you to protect your time and energy by feeling empowered to say ‘no’, communicate your needs, question things you disagree with and relieve the resentment that builds through people pleasing.

I would describe myself as a people pleaser – how can this course help me?

People pleasing means you neglect your own feelings and needs in situations and prioritise others. Learning to be more assertive helps you strike a balance by understanding the thoughts and feelings preventing you from being assertive and guiding you to break that unhelpful behaviour.

How will an online course help me to be more assertive?

We are all born assertive, therefore it is a skill you have had at some point in your life. The course guides you to understand what has prevented you from being assertive. The focus then moves to understanding the role your thoughts play and improving that, exploring ways to practice being more assertive and helping you with strategies to implement it more and more situations.

Testimonials

I have learnt so much from your online assertiveness course and will be taking those tools I have learned from you into my everyday life as I continue to work on self-improvement. I’m very grateful to you.  

Your online self-help courses have made something I didn’t think I had time for doable. I could fit the sessions into my week around what I had on which was great as I felt I could ensure I was doing it when I was in the right frame of mind.  

I was very happy with the course and found it so helpful to learn about my thoughts and behaviours. What is helpful, what is unhelpful, and to be more attentive to my own needs while remaining kind and aware of others. I recommend this course to anyone considering it.  

I found the modules the right length to fit into my week, roughly each 20 minutes long which I found easily achievable to set aside and concentrate on. I learned a lot about how I respond to people and have definitely seen improvements.  

This course has helped me to take assertive action on things that I have found difficult in the past. It has helped me to identify unhelpful beliefs and make changes.