Online Self-help Courses

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Supporting Someone With Self-Harm – Online Self-Help Course

If someone you love is self-harming, this course is for you.

Self-harm is far more common than most people realise — affecting around one in three 17-24 year olds in the UK at some point in their lives — but the stigma and silence surrounding it means most families, partners and friends are left trying to figure out how to help with no guidance at all. Confusion, fear, helplessness, frustration, guilt — all of it is normal. None of it makes you a bad supporter.

This online self-help course is designed by an accredited BACP counsellor specifically for the people supporting someone who self-harms. It covers the same ground as a short course of supportive counselling, in a private, accessible format you can work through at your own pace. The goal isn’t to turn you into a therapist — it’s to give you the understanding, language and tools to be the kind of steady, non-judgemental presence that genuinely helps.

IMPORTANT

If the person you're supporting is in immediate danger or has caused themselves serious injury, please call 999 or take them to A&E.

For non-emergency support, you can contact:
Samaritans — 116 123 (free, 24/7)
Mind Infoline — 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am–6pm)
YoungMinds Parents Helpline — 0808 802 5544 (Mon–Fri, 9.30am–4pm)
Self Injury Support — 0808 800 8088 (women & girls)
CALM — 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight, 365 days)

If your current situation looks like this...

Most people who take this course recognise themselves in some of these:

You’ve become aware that someone close to you is hurting themselves. You’ve noticed signs or behaviours that concern you, and have come to the realisation that they’re struggling with self-harm.
You feel confused and unsure how to respond. You want to help, but you’re not sure what to say or do — worried about saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or overstepping.
You want to understand what might be causing this. You’re trying to make sense of it, knowing it’s not just about the surface behaviour but something more complex they may be struggling to express.
You’d like to gently support them in finding other ways to cope. You’d love to help them find safer, healthier ways to manage what they’re feeling — but you’re unsure how to introduce those ideas without pushing them away.
You want to create a space where they can open up. More than anything, you want them to feel safe, heard, and not judged — so they know they don’t have to go through this alone.
You’re carrying a lot of difficult feelings yourself. Fear, helplessness, frustration, guilt, sadness — sometimes all in the same hour. You may be hiding most of this from the person you’re supporting, and from everyone else.
You feel isolated. Self-harm carries enough stigma that you may not feel able to talk to friends, family or colleagues about what’s going on at home — which makes an already hard situation feel even lonelier.

If any of this resonates, you’re in exactly the right place. Wanting to understand and help is the most important first step — and it’s something you can build on.

Why people self-harm — and why "just stop" doesn't work

One of the hardest things for supporters is making sense of why someone they love would deliberately hurt themselves. The instinct is often to ask them to stop, to make them promise, or to remove access to anything they could use. These responses come from love — but they rarely help, and often make things worse.

Self-harm is almost always a way of coping with overwhelming emotional distress. It isn’t attention-seeking, it isn’t manipulation, and it usually isn’t a suicide attempt — though it does need to be taken seriously, and it can sometimes coexist with suicidal thoughts.

For the person doing it, self-harm has become a way of managing feelings that feel unbearable in the moment. It typically sits inside a difficult cycle: distress builds, the person self-harms, there’s a brief sense of relief or release, and then guilt and shame arrive — which become new distressing feelings the person now has to cope with. Because self-harm is the coping strategy they’ve learned, it’s often where they return.

Understanding this changes everything about how you support them. The goal isn’t to extract a promise to stop — it’s to help reduce the underlying distress, build other ways of coping alongside them, and stay connected through the process. The course walks you through how.

How the course is structured

The course is made up of 6 short sessions designed to be worked through in order, with time between each one to absorb what’s been covered. It uses the same evidence-based approaches Billie uses with families, partners and carers in her counselling practice — delivered in video format with downloadable workbooks.

You’ll be guided through:

Understanding self-harm — what it is, what it isn’t, and why it happens. The myths that get in the way of helping, and what the research actually tells us.
The cycle of self-harm — recognising the pattern of distress, harm, relief and shame, and why “just stopping” isn’t a realistic ask without something else to take its place.
How to talk about it — practical guidance on how to raise it, what to say, what to avoid saying, and how to handle the conversation if they’re not ready to talk.
Being a supportive presence — what genuinely helps versus what feels helpful but often doesn’t. Listening, validating, not problem-solving prematurely, and managing your own reactions in the moment.
Alternative coping strategies — gentle, evidence-based alternatives you can introduce together, in a way that doesn’t feel like pressure or surveillance.
Looking after yourself — supporting someone who self-harms is exhausting and emotionally demanding. The course explicitly addresses your wellbeing too, because you can’t be a steady presence if you’re running on empty.

Please work through the sessions in order, and give yourself time and space between each one. Try to set aside time when you can give it your full attention, won’t be interrupted, and can have some quiet time afterwards.

Who this course is for

This course is designed for the supporters — the people around someone who self-harms — not for the person self-harming themselves. It’s particularly suitable if you’re:

A parent or carer of a child, teenager or young adult who is self-harming
A partner or spouse of someone who self-harms
A close friend, sibling or other family member who has become aware of someone’s self-harm
A teacher, youth worker, mentor or pastoral lead supporting a young person (though please also follow your organisation’s safeguarding policies)
Someone whose loved one is on a CAMHS or NHS waiting list and you want practical support in the meantime

If you are the person self-harming: this course isn’t designed for you, but please don’t leave this page without support. Speak to your GP, contact the Samaritans on 116 123, text “SHOUT” to 85258, or visit Mind’s self-harm pages at mind.org.uk. There is help available, and it can get better — please reach out.

A note on safeguarding

If the person you’re supporting is a child or young person, or if you have any concern that they may be at risk of serious harm or suicide, please don’t try to manage this alone. Contact their GP, speak to school safeguarding leads if relevant, or call NHS 111 for non-emergency advice. In an emergency, call 999.

This course is designed to help you be a better, more informed supporter — but it isn’t a replacement for professional clinical input where that’s needed. The most effective support usually combines an informed family member or friend and professional help working alongside each other.

Who teaches this course

This course is written and delivered by Billie Pursglove, an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP Registered Member 384732, MBACP Accred). Billie has years of clinical experience supporting both people who self-harm and the families, partners and friends who support them. Everything in this course is drawn from the same compassionate, evidence-based approaches Billie uses in her private counselling practice — distilled into a format you can access affordably, privately, and on your own schedule.

Supporting someone with self harm FAQ's

What signs might indicate someone is self-harming?

Signs that someone is self-harming can be physical, behavioural or emotional. Unexplained cuts, bruises, burns or scratches. Covering themselves, even in warm weather and vague explanations for these things. Their emotions may seem intense, you may hear them talking about feeling worthless or numb and they will likely struggle to cope with stress and strong emotions. Behaviour changes can include withdrawing themselves and spending a lot of time alone, changes in their sleep, appetite and energy levels and being secretive or defensive about things

Isn’t self-harming just a phase they will come out of?

Self-harm is a coping strategy and for the person struggling to deal with their emotions, it provides a temporary sense of relief. That meaning the next time thy feel overwhelmed by their emotions, they can crave that sense of relief again and repeat the self-harming behaviour. The guilt and regret that can follow this becomes the foundation for emotional overwhelm to build leaving the individual trapped in a vicious cycle that can be very difficult to get out of alone. They need support and strategies to effectively break the cycle.

What role can I play when someone close to me is self-harming?

You can help them to understand why they have been turning to self-harm by increasing your own understanding, support them with practical tools that the course will guide you through and use the resources to give them something to refer to.

I am finding supporting someone with self-harm really overwhelming, can the course help?

Yes, you are finding it overwhelming because it is! By educating yourself on the theory behind self-harm it can help ease some of your worries, moving on from that you can lean on the evidence-based tools covered in the course to share with them to help them manage their urges. Therefore, the course narrows down your options to things that are known to work successfully.

Isn’t it best to focus on getting support in place for them?

While it is crucial to visit your GP and look for a local counsellor to begin working with them ASAP, the home environment is where they spend most of their time. These tools can help with the time between session to support the work a counsellor will do with them. It also helps to relieve your own stress and worries which will have a positive impact on the atmosphere at home their emotions too.

Testimonials

I have learnt so much from your online assertiveness course and will be taking those tools I have learned from you into my everyday life as I continue to work on self-improvement. I’m very grateful to you.  

Your online self-help courses have made something I didn’t think I had time for doable. I could fit the sessions into my week around what I had on which was great as I felt I could ensure I was doing it when I was in the right frame of mind.  

I was very happy with the course and found it so helpful to learn about my thoughts and behaviours. What is helpful, what is unhelpful, and to be more attentive to my own needs while remaining kind and aware of others. I recommend this course to anyone considering it.  

I found the modules the right length to fit into my week, roughly each 20 minutes long which I found easily achievable to set aside and concentrate on. I learned a lot about how I respond to people and have definitely seen improvements.  

This course has helped me to take assertive action on things that I have found difficult in the past. It has helped me to identify unhelpful beliefs and make changes.